It hides itself in the crevices of a beating heart
Unseen by human eyes but imagined in the dark pupils that reveal itself anyhow
Just like broken windows that let out smoke from a fire
A fire started from intruders who came and stole away such precious and sacred souvenirs that were meant to last forever
That were meant to be passed down to love ones.
Such pain caused by thieves who care nothing about the home of a temple
Much like a heart…now this temple has been broken
And stolen from…
It hides itself in the crevices of a broken heart so big that the pieces are hard to put back together…
Shame and guilt settle
Because the owner had an alarm but never chose to put it on when she left.
Never bothered to press the buttons, entering a code for when she slept away…
For when she went away on long vacations just hoping to find her home in one piece when she came back
She never bothered because she trusted that everything would be okay…she just trusted and loved her home and was so happy in her temple that none of that mattered…
She never thought she would come back home to see her door wide open…and her windows burning with fire
Much like her windows…Now all she can see when she looks in the mirror is smokey eyes…everything is blurry and unclear…
But yet her smile manages to meet her face as if her house was not burned down.
She now knows that she should of had a password. For anyone without keys. But she just allowed her home to be easily accessed never thinking of the consequences because she just believed that no one would ever break and enter.
But when she goes to sleep at night in that uncomfortable shelter home, she feels the burning from which the intruders started the fire.
She cries with smokey eyes as she imagines her once beautiful windows of her house
Windows that held flowers and silk draped curtains.
Now all that is gone.
Much like her precious souvenirs.
She misses her home…the sustainability. The stability of belonging.
Nights are cold in this shelter home as she lays in the bed so hard that it feels like the rock her heart has become.
She doesn’t understand how she could be blessed with something so amazing but not recognize the power of having it…
She feels so ashamed and foolish and doesn’t understand how an intruder could do such a thing. Did not see or feel the love that her home had?
She was blind and naive to think that her home would never fall…but if she just had her alarm on.
Denial settles in as she tells herself that she can build another home and there’s plenty of wood, plenty of steel, plenty of money to do so
But anger kicks in when she realizes that this was home! And it is home!
Her heart is home and can’t be replaced.
In the middle of her banging a hammer to a nail she crushes her thumb in anger and realizes that she can’t do this…
She realizes that she was not meant to have to carry such heavy materials because it’s a mans job
She becomes more angry and takes her hammer and tears down everything she began to build.
She sits in the middle of a a cube unfurnished, frustrated and confused how she got to this of how she ended up going from insulated walls to just a frame barely standing
And all she can keep thinking of is that she should have had the alarm on
Before she attempts to rebuild one more time she finally gives in and just says, “it’s over”…”this is hopeless”.
And she accepts that building a home again…piecing back together her big heart is not something she can do on her own but that she needs real help.
She finally accepts this along side realizing that she has always needed help.
Not only with building but furnishing many old houses that she has. She realizes that just because she had one beautiful home, that it didn’t mean that all of her other houses didn’t need to be rebuilt and furnished…
She realizes that this was bound to happen and that neglecting the “whole” truth was going to catch up with her and it did.
She accepts this. She sits in her cubed framed. She lies in her sheltered rock bed and accepts this.
That a new beginning has to take place. She accepts this. She accepts it because she will do anything to be whole again.
To have a beautiful home with beautiful windows again…
To no longer see out of blurry smokey dark pupils anymore
She accepts this…and she is forced to move on to rebuild.